What reputation....

Ghah!

*sigh*, Raam B., for the last time NO we're NOT reviving the Detectives' Case! No one is interested and almost everyone has played a villan already, so there's more or less no point to it. Just leave it to the past and concider it a treasured memory once and for all, I say.

Apparently, Raam was going around blogs like Tim's and mine under the name of 'Nobody' and posted a few odd-structured sentences in the cBoxes. For Tim, he had;

13 Aug 07, 21:07nobody: oh yah found ah kong's blog
13 Aug 07, 21:07nobody: any1 wanna kno ask me this old ah ah
13 Aug 07, 21:08nobody: not realllly old tho13 Aug 07, 21:08nobody: but rather at an age similar to those who post as thy lamenting song of the sea (or of thy girlfriend)
13 Aug 07, 21:09nobody: does thee has 1? referring to lament master goh timothy?13 Aug 07, 21:14nobody: aaaahh tim i thot u didnt have any, d= so how could u guys have wacked part Cs with ur ball???xdld)::()

And for me, I had;

13 Aug 07, 20:59nobody: this is nobody here. nobody is sending this message in Leemiguel Raefusheng's message cbox. This is nobody here reading these blog posts. This is nobody here doing nothing.

I wasn't online last night, so I only found out about this this morning during P.E.. Tim was telling me he suspected it to be one of the Detectives due to the way the messages were typed out. And true enough, the common guess of Raam was right. I don't know if this was part of a plan to revive the Detectives, but NO NO NO we are NOT starting up again, and that's that. (Hmm, maybe I should post about the Detectives one of these days...)

*sigh*

Anyway, on with the post. I've been having doubts on myself, so I shall just type it out like a journal to relieve a bit of the stress. Please don't mind philosophical text.

Recess
I've come to discover why I go through sudden emotional changes during Recess, why I could have sworn I felt happy a minute ago, but at another momment during the Recess period I can suddenly feel somewhat sad. It's because of culture shock.

For the first half of Recess, I'd ussually make my way down to the canteen to buy myself a snack to last me for another quarter of a day. It's during this time that, after buying my food, I get a chance to go sit around with friends and classmates at a table and chat with them. Or even if I can't get involved in the topic because of no prior background knowledge of the subject, I can still rest in the thought that I am welcome to listen and see if my pinion can have a stand the moment I know a particular aspect in the conversation.

In other words, this is the only time in Recess where I can socialize with my schoolmates. Take a seat. Chill out. Have a talk or so. Invite more people so as to raise the variety of the chat. A few laughts here, a few points there. Overall, a nice social conversation to relax with, to show that you still have good friends indeed.

Then once I finish my food, I slowly place the plate back in the collection bucket, or crumble the paperbag into the bin, and make my way back to class. As I walk back, I may meet up with more friends and we'd probably tell each other a few comments on current affairs like training and duty schedules or how life's been to us. If there's no one, then I'd just smile to God and thank Him for the satisfying chat I've had in the SAC.

Then comes the sad part. The moment I step into my classroom, I here the shouts of people engrossed in their computer gaming in their PCs, telling each other how impressive the other's moves were and how their moves could have actually been better. Time after time, I hear opposite corners of the class reminding the main party their reservations for their next game. Time after time, I hear the screams of harshly-defeated gamers that regreted giving their opponents that tiny chance that meant their own downfall. Time after time, I even hear mini-fights which spark off due to these disaterous dissapointments.

And how do I join the club? Well, basically put, I don't. Or at least I can't.
True, it's partially because of how, as a prefect, I follow the rules. And yeah, it's also partially because I don't want to jam up my computer with all those space requirements. But take note when I said partially.

My main reason is more of my incapabilities with computer games. For one thing, I never got use to games that required me to press a series of keys to unleash a special force a number of times within a limited time frame, ussually limited because the opponent is also attacking you. I ussually find myself whacking the keys/joystick buttons randomly in great despair and hope that I could survive under the grace of God, and half the time it works for me.

Then there's also the fact that games get more and more complicated as time passes. Even though it's been about four years since I've started playing Worms, I only have the trial version. Eeryone else has the full version, some even with the 3-D version, and so they've got more experience on new weapons and features I never heard of. In the end, I'd still be averaged out as a person with no experience of the game and tossed aside.

Rise of Nations? Bah, everyone's taling about Command and Conquer II already. No point going around saying, "I play Rise of Nations!" when everyone else has something even more advance.
And how about the point that I still have this 'side-effect' with playing computer games.

Basically, once I finish paying a very complex computer game after a few hours or so and leave the screen, I feel rather dizzy and sometimes loose my grip on the meaning of life at times. As in, life suddenly looses its meaning and I seem to loose track of where it started or left off. I just loose direction until my mind regains contienceness within an hour or less, most of the time sped up if I quickly read my Bible. This effect doesn't really happen for simple games like Solitare or Pinball or even Diamonds; it happens more on games which are, well, 'complex' - Rise of Nations and anything beyond, as far as I've tested.

Now, obviously I can't spend hours on a computer game during a minaturely-compared recess, but for the situation in school there are a couple of problems I'd still face. One, well, there IS no Bible in the classroom, and unless there's a signifigant important reason I don't think I want to risk bringing my Bible to a class terrain. Two, I mentioned that it takes an hour or less for the 'life-is-meaningless' mindspell to wear off. And how long is recess? 40 minutes. Take away the half I use in the SAC, and we get 20 minutes. Take away the time that will be spent to play the game, and we'll be left with, well, nothing.

No time for me to ease my head before the next lesson starts. I may loose my optimism. And it's my optimism that keeps me working through the lesson. No optimism, probably no survival. Christ IS my optimism, and I think I'll keep Him in my mind as constantly as possible, especially during school hours when I need it well.

Don't get me wrong at that point: school isn't miserable to an extent that I'm struggling to strain out the joys in it. In fact, I think it would be if I introduced computer gaming to become a part of recess life. It would make things harder for me to cope in my studies, so I thinkit's best if I never try starting.

So all that was said in the last 8 paragraphs could be sumarised to one simple stand: I can't and won't play majorly complex computer games during class. And wha does this result to? Me having to stay in a restricted solitude of muteness, while the rest of the class carries on staying 'busy' on their tablets. Solitude that I can only spend on homework and (when I don't have anymore homework by memory) draw things on the Homework Board.

It's here where teachers miss the phinomenon where pictures 'miraculously' appear on the Homework Board to astound their eyes, changing their themes once every week. The one of the Kraken. A couple about Castles. Another couple about Ships. And even another about the Class Flag I composed a couple of weeks ago, which apparently Chairman Tim finds high interest in and demands the creation of more flags for the different clans of the class, something I'll get to once I can switch off the 'Philosophy' in my typing.

Yes, all of those pictures that ended up on the board were there because of me. Or more accurately, because of my loneliness. People drop by once in a while to critic, providing comments from how accurate my art is to how I can improve on some details to even what I can add or erase to make it more interesting.

True, it's those moments when I can talk to someone, and maybe from there spark another conversation that involves other topics, and maybe from there invite more people to join in and increase the fun in the chat, and maybe from there we even go so engrossed in the conversation we end up singing to the tune of 'We're All In This Together', which for some reason is playing in the background.

(*walks to Living room* "Morriel, turn it down!" *walks back to computer*)

Now, where were we? Ah, right. Yes, my actions of drawing on the Homework Board may result to an easier and more enjoyable recess that doesn't involve the misery of watching others play Marvel vs. Capcom while I stand there thinking hard for the next theme to put up. But I promise you, that is NOT my main intention for doing so.

I guess this period of silence is good for me - I can reflect on what I've done in the past few hours or so, I can finish up on work before hand, I can sit down and spend time with those who don't feel like gaming for reasons more emotional than practical, I can practice my drawing skills in hopes that I can start drawing comics again like how I tried back in Nanyang, I can even rest along side the window and draw its curtains to see the sunlight streaming through and praise the Lord within the silence for the fact that He'll always accompany me wherever I go, and will 'never leave you nor forsake you'!

I can't change others' lifestyles just so that mine feels a lot more comfortable. That would just be concidered a non-socialized decission, which would then be a greed, which would then be a sin, which would then circle around to mean one thing: I didn't trust God.

Well, overall I'll say I trust Him with my heart. And I'll also say I trust Him in how he handles my heart. And that, in my terms, would include a comfortable recess worth having before begining another half of the school hours. Besides, the drawing tips are coming really handy! Yay for drawing! :P

I guess all I can do is cherish those moments in the SAC, and after that walk back up to class, upright and dignified, with the mindset that everyday's a gift from God, even if it means you wouldn't spend it with others you really feel like spending it with. Maybe God's got something for them, and it doesn't rquire me as of the time being. I shouldnt interfier with His plans, for they're the best of the best of the best of plans. (For those who haven't believed, you have NO idea how awesome these plans have been to many Christians around the world and time...)

Or maybe it's because God wants me to pay more attention to someone else in the classroom, maybe someone sitting at the back corner of the room, sitting by his desk head in arms and waiting for God to help him out in a problem. I'll never know, or at least until God tells me so since He always instructs in many ways pre-hand.

Whatever the case, I'll always be thankful that Christ is still there beside me and is still listening to anything I'm concerned about in His plans. He's probably preparing a way to prove me wrong that my recess always have to be half-gloomy right this very moment!

Lunch
Say, it's during these second-halves of recesses which I wonder why people would actually want to friend me so much that I even end up being asked day after day wether I could go for lunch with them. I have a rough idea how God's changed me so much that I've become a good friend to others. I'm friendly, flexible and willing to go the extra mile for the satisfaction of pure intentions. But what is it from these that make me so, well, 'friend-attatching'? I know it's got something to do with my friendliness, but what exactly, I do not know.

[End of ePOM (Yes, for once this really IS an Extended Essay.)]

Well, to think it takes so many paragraphs just to write 'Recess' and only a couple for 'Lunch'. Very ironic, indeed.

Now on with archiving. For yesterday, painting in Art was cool, as I've leart how to paint shading! (Yay, art!) Kept singing the theme song of Pinky and the Brain with Tim and ZWei 'cause either Shil, Raam or ZRong made a special shade of pink. The singing annoyed ZRong to extents, let's just say. Raam was certainly playing around with the rest of the colours, I remember, and so he ended up with an entire tray of brown, of which the rest of us almost sang the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory theme song (chocolatey goodness, mmm...).

It was also around this time when my picture of the Flag of the Dan Empire was drawn onto the Homework Board for display as written somewhere above. Tim asked what the different elements in the flag meant, but another class started before I could say anything. Well, I never did write an explaination about the flag, so here's my say;

The White Cross: 1)Unity within all corners of the classroom. 2)The Roman Numeral of '10'
The Red Thirds: 1)Distinctly different variety in student population despite unison. 2) We're on the Red Level.
The Green Third: 1)Peace within the heart of the class. 2)Path for the snake [see Red Snake].
The Red Snake: 1)Read Genisis 49:16-17, and it says that the tribe of Dan 'will be a ruler for His people' and that 'Dan will be a snake at the side of the road, a poisonous snake beside the path, that strikes at the horse's heel, so that the rider is thrown off backwards'. 2)It faces upwards to show the class' progression towards a better class environment and our strive for the best.

Hopefully, that answers the questions. Tim also asked for another two side flags to be drawn at the sides of the flag. Hmm, I'll take it the two flags would be the Royal Standard and the flag of whichever cluster in the class is the greatest. Will see...

For today, PE was a fun round of Tennis, besides the 'Nobody' investigation. Paired with ZWei, but eventually had to move to the grouping of Shil, Raam and ZRong. Half-way through the game, I helped Shil with his NAPHA on Sit-ups, of which he gave up on because he was shagged from the Tennis, especially one with Raam and ZRong (because you always had to run an extra mile to catch the misguided ball). Had a practical test later in the Life Science Lab with Justin, and I guess things went pretty smooth (good job, Justin!).

Also had a rough estimate of how Mr. Ang found my group's documentary after hearing his splitting comments. Hopefully they were accurate enough, my predictions I mean. ISO was good since the new mentor was giving me more tips on how to improve my presentation, although he said it that there was nothing he found bad about it - it's only that it can do a lot better, that's all. For Maths, we wer told to do a lesson plan on Trigonometry, which got me praying 'cause I, along with a large portion of the class, had no head or tail on the topic. And glory be to God that Tim, the guy who kept complaining that his tution centre gives him 500-odd questions of Trig for homework, nudged my leg and asked me to be his partner! Praise the Lord XD!

Training is still standardly confidential, but let's just say that Kenneth and I have improved in our strokes! We're still crossing our arms, but at least our catch is more or less balanced! Now to work on co-ordination...

That's about it for now. If it'll thrill, the first person to tell me how many times I said 'time after time' gets a sweet from me XP! Mark 13:11! God bless y'all!!!