I surrender...

God loves me!

I love God!

We love each other!

But He loves me more!

[I just want to spend the next few sentences typing about God's love for me, if you don't mind.]

God so loved me!

God killed His Son just to pay for my sins!

I owed God so much, yet He payed for it, and with a great remainder!

God so loves me!

He gave me a new life after I first met Him properly!

He's been showering me with blessings ever since!

PSLE,
ACS(I),
Canoeing,
new friends,
nicer family,
better relationship with Him.

All His doings!

I love Him for loving me that much!

He loves me no matter how much I may loose track of Him!

He will always LOVE me!

Thank you. I needed to do that for a while. Now to move on to tonight's (or should I say last night's) Christian Concert. It was what I needed for my times now, and I praise the
lord He allowed Beb to invite me to it. I felt God's strong presense again, and it was shiok!

Let's start with me getting there. Now this is a completely different story. I under-estimated the speed of the MRT, and also took the wrong route, thus I would arrive at Tampines MRT Station 20 minutes late of the show. Not the meeting time, the SHOW. And that's just arriving at the station. I still needed to wait for the bus that could take me to the centre of the performance, and I allighted at the wrong bus-stop, so I was lost for another five minutes. And through the whole journey, I was really angry at myself (Not the type of anger that can make me kill, but nevertheless angry) for holding back the others (Tim, Ben and probably his cell group) and the only thought holding my anger back was that I was going to an event to praise God, and not upset Him. Little did I know that this anger was about to be toned down greatly.

Once at the building, I passed through a couple of gates, both guarded with teenagers that greeted me warmly, so I greeted back with all due nervousness and surprise. Then Ben popped out of nowhere, and gave the ticket lady my ticket, telling her that it was mine. He then led me through a maze of escalators (well, two actually. But anyway,) and into this small hall which had a smaller stage at the corner.

He raced his way straight to the front where the stage was just a man's width away, and so I followed him. It was so far in front, we had to sit down on the floor, like good ol' days in my old church. A price I'm willing to pay for worship to the Lord, no matter how crowded. Don't get me wrong; I don't find sitting on a carpet floor a burden. It's just that when I entered the hall, it was so crowded I couldn't see the front occupied by cross-legged people.

Anyway, once at the center of the front ("Front and Center!"), I found Tim seated along with the others, whoever they were. Still in my panicly-rushed mode, I sat down quickly without sparing a word to anything. Tim then went over and said, "Good thing you were able to make it." I tilted my head, looking back after replying with a, "Same here." A girl, who I presumed to be part of Ben's Cell group, and was sitting behind me as well, warmly welcomed me and asked for my name. I was caught in a shock, as I didn't want to tell her my real name since it may confuse her, but I ussually tell people I'm Miggy when I know them well (That's why I found it shocking and difficult when my class told my teachers this year that they could call me Miggy.) So I just told her I was Miggy, but under the loud noises in the hall, she heard me say Nicky. So for the next few hours, I was Nicholas Lee Fusheng. Facinating, and this isn't the first time I 'changed my identity'.

Apparently, I came during the 'lucky draw', so I haven't missed out on much of the singing and praising yet. After watching the distribution of Bibles to lucky - wait, no - blessed people and finding out that a little girl, probably in lower primary, won an iPod, we moved on to singing His praises! Yay!

Christian songs are most well-known for the fact that they have touched every form of appreciated music. From Instrumental, to chior, to jazz, to rock, to metal, to 60's, to rap, to R and B, to soul. Every single form. And for this band, they used, erm, I don't know what this gene is exactly so I won't say anything for legal purposes. But I guess I can describe it as a relative of metal or rock. I'm not sure. So we were all singing, and I was enjoying the songs, and everyone was jumping, and since I've always seen my Church jump but never joined in, I decided to jump along, and by the fifth jump I realised I was moving backwards, and by the seventh I was hopping over Tim's foot, so I decided to stop and do what I normally do and raise my hands in praise. What stuck in my mind the most was a song called 'Surrender'.

I can't remember the lyrics, and I can't remember the tune, but I know I was greatly touched by God when I sung the song, and so I kneeled down with out-stretched arms, praising God with singing and Tongues. Next thing I know, I get a vision of me kneeling like how I was at that momment by a big gate, with God just standing there reaching out His arm to help me up. And it was raining. Now, for reasons that I can't put in words, I shall not share on how relavant this vision is to me. But I can say one detail: Ever since my first Canoeing Competition, rain always symbolised that God was there for me.

I was filled with the Happiness of the Lord, and I was speaking in Tongues for the next few (unknown measurement of time). I then noticed that I wasn't crying, like how I'm suppose to when I'm touched by the Lord. So I was asking God, "Lord, why am I not crying like the other times you made me cry? Where's my te..." Before I could finish my question, a tear ran down my cheek. "Thanks, Lord," I replied.

After the songs, came a Preaching session by this Ang Moh lady who first used some random volunteers to play out the scene of Amnon and Tamar, which you can find in 2 Samuel 13. It's basically goes like this:

Amnon, one of the sons of King David, and his love for Tamar, his half-sister. He wanted her to be his, but knew that King David wouldn't approve of it. So one day, a shrewd friend of Ammon advised him to act as if he's sick, then request King David to call for Tamar to go and cook food in Ammon's presense, and to serve the food to him personally. So Ammon did so, and the King fell for it and asked Tamar to do as he said. Tamar went over to Ammon's house and made cakes, baking them in front of him and emptying the pans of cake for him to eat. But Ammon refused to eat at first. He ordered all others in the house to leave, then turned to Tamar and requested her to serve him personally. So she took the cakes and served them on his bed. As she offered the cakes, he grabbed her and demanded her to 'go to bed' with him. Tamar, being a virgin princess, pleaded out, but he wouldn't listen, and since he was stronger, he forced her into the bed and raped her.

After making 'love', Ammon was filled with rage greater than his previous love for Tamar, and told her to leave his presense at once. She was scared and didn't want to, pleading for mercy, but he wouldn't listen and ordered his men to throw her out. Tossed out the door, she poured ashes over her head (A sign of grief) and tore her robes (Another sign of grief), and fleed to Absalom, her pure brother whom's house she stayed refuge in great sadness and loneliness.

So the lady on the stage was using this story to share about many qualities we as teenagers shouldn't fall for, and I assume an obvious example is already understood. She then shared about the story of the 40 faithful men. The story goes that During the Roman Empire's reign, an emperoro once ordered the law of having him be acknowledged as a god, and many Romans followed. Many except 39 men, who were extremely faithful to God. The emperor was so furious on these men, he ordered for an extremely painful execution for them. The time then was winter, and temperatures were around negative. So the emperor ordered that these men went to a frozen lake, where they'd be stripped off their clothes and walk to the center of the ice with only a lighted candle to keep them warm.

And so the order was carried out, with many soldiers supervising that everything is carried out. The men were stripped naked, and they were sent to the center of the ice with a candle each as their only warmth. They hurdled together, one by one freezing to their deaths. The soldiers mocked them, shouting to them to just worship the emperor and get off the ice. There were blankets on the edge of the lake, and all they had to do was just say they'd worship the emperor. But they all refused, and they kept dieing. Soon, only one man was left alone, and he was holding his candle close to his body, savouring the last of the warmth.

Suddenly, the general in charge of the army that was supervising shouted, "THAT'S IT! I HAD ENOUGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! ENOUGH!"

The next morning, the soldiers who were busy celebrating during the freezing session were inspecting the bodies of the frozen, and found not 39 bodies, but 40.

A sad story, especially when they where playing a sad theme along with it. But there was relavance to it. The preacher then chalendged us to shout out loud, "I CHOOSE THE CROSS!". And soon, the whole hall was filled with cries of the phrase. I shouted along too, and it was great to shout love to the Lord, even though I just came back from three cheering sessions in Prefect Camp.

We then splited up into groups of four people each, where we prayed for each other. Ben, Tim, the girl who still thinks I'm 'Nicholas' and I formed one group, and so we prayed for each other. I guess this was the first time a person from my class heard me speak in Tongues, but I was more concerned on praying over everyone in the group, blessing them with what I - no, wait - what God can bless them with. After praying, we went out and called it a day for worship (Well, 1] We were allowed to leave anytime and 2] Worship to God NEVER ends). Tim met up with an old Cell group of his, I assume, and he and another one of Ben's friends joined forces to purchase products from the desperately-strung salespeople selling stuff related to the concert, like shirts and CDs.

I hitched a ride on Ben's Church's shuttle bus to their Church, which was near by my house, but sadly not Tim's, and he had to take a bus home alone. I met Ben's Cell Group, and the girl who knows me as Nicholas cheered out loud with the help of the bus, "WELCOME, NICKY!!!" Even the Pastor shook my hand warmly and said, "Nice to meet you, Nicky!" I wanted to play along and see how long I can stay as Nicholas, but Ben was laughing away and couldn't take it. He explained that I was Miggy, but I think they assumed it as Mickey. So now I'm Michael Lee Fusheng. Good enough.

I watched as Ben blended in with his Church on the bus, and now I understand what about his relationship with Christ that he has, and I don't have. People to share the joy of Christ with. I only had my Mom to share it with, as my Dad's a non-Christian, my Elder Sis's always busy, my Younger Sis doesn't understand much about God yet and most of my Christian friends wouldn't be as dedicated. But in a cell group, everyone's just as dedicated to God as you are, and involving God in your life is just as normal as, well, how many of my other friends talk about their miseries in their lives. It was just touching watching Ben and his fellow Cell Group members laugh along with each other, and I then understood what I'm missing out in my relationship with God for now.

The last time I tried to join a cell group, I was mocked at by the members, as they insulted me by calling me a 'hitter' (since the person who introduced me to the group was a girl) and they wern't as concentrated on God as Ben's group, always thinking about when the session ends and about what tatic they should use in the soccer game they're about to play later. I quitted after my first day, telling myself it was useless joining at that time, and that I should wait for a while before starting again. Now I want to try again. I want to have friends which I can easily share about my day without needing to rephrase the way God was involved till He's left with not much Glory. Ben's really blessed with such great friends and family. And so are the many friends that I have which, unlike Ben, refuse to acknowledge that their priveledged with a closer chance to God. I want that blessing, and I pray to God that He'd bless me with it full and proper.

Goodnight, everybody. And God bless through the ages.